Parenting a teenager is not easy.
You have to lessen the reign and prepare them to leave the nest, but at the same time their behavior is erratic and they won’t listen to you.
They may be impulsive, moody and they may experiment with behaviors that are alarming.
The good news is this– it is normal. The reason your teenager behaves this way is a combination of psychological and physiological reasons. The prefrontal cortex, the part of their brain that manages impulsivity and provides them with the skills to behave rationally and reasonably is in flux. It is developing and may not be fully operational until the early to mid twenties.
These changes in the prefrontal cortex lead to impulsive (and sometimes stupid) behavior, but also increased emotionality and creativity. It is overwhelming for parents of teens. And it can feel overwhelming to your teenager too who may be as concerned about their own emotional reactivity as you are or be struggling with fears around the impulsive behaviors of their peers who are sturggling as well.
In addition to huge physical changes, their entire world is changing. A future in which they are adults out on their own is within reach and can be terrifying and/or exciting. They are looking at a life sentence of adulting and no turning back. It’s a lot to take in. Responsibility may feel both alluring and frightening. They may struggle with wanting to behave like a child and also wanting to behave like an adult which can be erratic and strange if you’re the parent.
How can a teenager behave like a child one minute and appear independent and adult-like in the next?
If it’s normal, does this mean you don’t have to worry?
Sadly, no. It is normal, but your teenager needs you now more than ever. They are more emotional, scared, and impulsive than ever before. They need you to help them navigate this difficult life transition while avoiding the dark side of common teen pitfalls including substance use, self-harm, texting and driving, sexual experimentation, mood disorders, or unsafe relationships.
Being a teenager is not easy and even if your teen behaves like they know everything, they need you to help them find their way through.
Some parents fall into the trap of becoming their teenager’s “friend” and feel a false sense of security thinking that if they know their child is experimenting with drugs and alcohol or staying out all night, it is somehow safer. Dangerous behavior is dangerous regardless of whether or not you know about it.
Your teenager does not need a friend.
Your teenager needs a parent.
Setting healthy limits are important because eventually, your teenager will need to be able to set healthy limits for themselves. Of course, having healthy communication and being able to talk to your child is ideal. It sets the stage for your child to be able to have healthy relationships and set healthy boundaries too.
If you suspect your teenager’s experimentation is pushing the limits and they are not safe, therapy can help.
Sometimes, teenagers are better able to confide in an unbiased adult and better able to explore their behaviors in a less emotionally charged environment. While as a parent, you want to be that adult, sometimes teenagers aren’t open to that.
Family therapy can also help with the issues that are coming up in the home. Problems with a teenager can create or be the result of problems in the family. It can be difficult and confusing to parent a teenager.If you need support or help in doing that, it doesn’t make you less of a parent. In fact, it can make you more of a parent for recognizing the problem and getting help to address it.
Sometimes teens open up more easily to someone outside the family. Our therapist Julia Callas specializes in working with teens and adolescents — and she gets it. → Meet Julia Callas, AMFT
How Therapy Can Help Parents of Teens
Parenting a teenager can leave you feeling like you’re doing everything wrong — even when you’re not. The conflict, the silence, the worry — it wears on you. And it can quietly take a toll on your relationship with your partner, your own mental health, and your sense of yourself as a parent.
Therapy isn’t just for teenagers. Parents of teens often benefit enormously from having their own space to process what’s happening at home.
Here’s what therapy can offer parents of teenagers:
A place to process your own emotions. When your teenager is struggling, it’s easy to minimize your own stress and fear. But your feelings are valid and deserve attention too. Therapy gives you a space to work through the anger, grief, worry, and exhaustion that comes with parenting a teen — without it spilling over into your relationship with your child.
Help distinguishing normal from concerning. Not every mood swing or risky behavior means something is seriously wrong — but some do. A therapist can help you assess what’s developmentally typical and what warrants more attention, so you’re not constantly second-guessing yourself.
Tools for communicating with your teen. Many parents find that the harder they push, the further their teenager retreats. Therapy can help you find approaches that actually open doors rather than close them — so your teen feels safe coming to you when it really matters.
Support for co-parenting. When you and your partner aren’t on the same page about how to handle your teenager, it creates conflict at home and sends mixed messages to your teen. Couples therapy can help you get aligned so you’re working as a team instead of against each other.
→ Explore Couples Therapy at Beach Cities
A clearer picture of the bigger family dynamic. Teen behavior doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Sometimes what looks like a “teen problem” is actually a family system problem — and addressing it as a family can create change more quickly than individual work alone.
You Don’t Have to Parent Through This Alone
Recognizing that your family needs support is not a sign of failure. It’s one of the most important things you can do for your teenager — and for yourself.
Whether your teen needs their own therapist, you need someone to talk to, or your whole family could use some support navigating this season, we’re here.
“Parenting a teenager is hard. You deserve support too.” → Meet Our Therapists
“Is your teen struggling and you’re not sure where to turn? Julia Callas specializes in working with teens and adolescents — and she’s here to help.” → Meet Julia Callas, AMFT
The Team Behind the Message:
At Beach Cities Psychotherapy, our team of dedicated therapists truly care about your well-being. We are passionate about sharing valuable information to support and guide you on your journey. Whether you’re facing life’s challenges or seeking personal growth, our team is here to ensure you receive the compassionate care and support you deserve. We’re committed to helping you navigate through your concerns and are always here to take care of you every step of the way.
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