Many people who seek therapy aren’t sure whether their drinking is actually a problem. They may wonder if they’re overreacting, if they should just have more discipline, or if things will settle down on their own.
Often the real question isn’t “Am I an alcoholic?” but rather: “Is alcohol making my life harder than it needs to be?”
Many people who wonder “Do I drink too much?” or “Do I have a drinking problem?” are already noticing that alcohol may be affecting their relationships, mood, or ability to manage daily life.
If alcohol is contributing to problems in your relationships, work, mood, or safety, it may be time to take a closer look.
How Do I Know If I Drink Too Much?
Many people assume alcohol only becomes a problem when someone drinks every day or loses everything in their life. In reality, alcohol problems often develop gradually and show up in subtle ways first.
If alcohol is affecting your relationships, your mental health, your work, or your ability to manage everyday life, it may be worth paying attention.
The signs below are some of the most common indicators that drinking may be starting to cause problems.
Drinking creates problems in your relationships
Drinking creates problems in your relationships: spouse, family, friends. Maybe you treat them poorly or maybe you just aren’t fully able to be there for the people who care about you.
Another clear sign: your partner begins treating you like a child. If they feel like they need to manage you, it may be an indication that they see how unmanageable things have become and are trying to help.
If someone close to you has expressed concern about your drinking, it’s worth paying attention to that feedback. Partners, family members, and close friends are often the first to notice when alcohol begins to change someone’s behavior, mood, or reliability.
Professional problems become harder to resolve
If work feels unmanageable and you’re drinking to cope with the stress, it’s a strong indicator that your drinking may be contributing to the problem or making it harder to address.
Drinking may feel like the solution in the moment, but it often deepens the underlying problem.
You endanger yourself or others
Examples include driving under the influence, making unsafe choices, drinking when responsible for minors or elders, getting into fights, falls, or experiencing unsteadiness.
If you do these things and believe it isn’t a problem, keep in mind that most people convicted of vehicular manslaughter believed they could drive just fine under the influence—until the moment they couldn’t.
Persistent depressed mood and continued drinking to cope
Alcohol is a depressant. It’s often part of the problem, not the solution.
Your mood may improve once alcohol leaves your system, and if it doesn’t, depression is very treatable with therapy and/or medication.
Blacking out
Engaging in behavior that you don’t remember and would likely not do sober is a significant red flag.
If you had a disease that caused memory loss, severe impairment, and impulsivity, you would not hesitate to treat it. In this case, the cure for the problem is stopping alcohol consumption.
Anxiety that drives you to drink more
Alcohol raises cortisol levels, even on days when you’re not drinking. It increases anxiety.
The more you drink to cope with anxiety, the worse the cycle becomes.
You lie about or hide your drinking
If it wasn’t a problem, why would you have to hide it?
And if you’re lying to the people who care about you, it’s already impacting your relationships in a very negative way.
You try to stop but keep ending up in the same place
Maybe you string together six days, six weeks, or even six months. Eventually you think you can have one or two drinks again, and before you know it you’re back where you started.
If this sounds familiar, it’s not because you lack discipline or willpower—it may mean alcohol has become a problem and you need support addressing it.
You keep negotiating with yourself about drinking
You make rules for yourself:
Only on weekends.
Only wine, not liquor.
Only two drinks.
Take a break for a month and then start again.
You may follow the rules for a while, but eventually they loosen and the drinking creeps back to where it was before.
If you find yourself constantly making and breaking rules about drinking, it may be a sign that alcohol has more control over your behavior than you would like.
Life feels unmanageable
Life feels increasingly difficult and the best solution you can think of is to drink.
If drinking were actually helping, life would be becoming more manageable—not less.
If things keep getting harder, it may be time to get help.
If You’re Realizing Alcohol May Be a Problem
If you are realizing that you may have a drinking problem, there are resources that have helped millions of people successfully change their relationship with alcohol.
Getting help may feel uncomfortable at first. You may resist it or hate it initially. But learning to tolerate discomfort is often what allows meaningful change to happen.
If you love someone who you believe needs help, it’s important to know that you cannot fix the problem for them.
There are resources available to support you as well. Loving someone with a drinking problem can be incredibly painful, and feeling powerless to fix something you can clearly see can be excruciating.
You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone
For both people reassessing their own drinking and those navigating the impact of someone else’s alcohol use, therapy can help.
At Beach Cities Psychotherapy, we help individuals and couples take an honest look at what’s happening, understand the patterns that keep them stuck, and develop healthier ways forward.
Sometimes therapy alone provides enough support to change drinking patterns. In other cases, we can help connect you with additional resources or higher levels of care that may be needed.
If you’d like help sorting through whether alcohol is becoming a problem—and what your next step might look like—reach out to Beach Cities Psychotherapy to schedule a consultation.
You can also explore our Alcohol and Substance Use Resources page for treatment programs, support groups, and resources for family members.