You graduated from college. You did what you were supposed to do.
So why doesn’t it feel like your life has started yet?
For most of childhood and adolescence, there is a pretty clear roadmap. You move from one grade to the next. You graduate from high school. Maybe you go to college. You choose a major. You graduate.
And somewhere along the way, many of us absorb the idea that once we reach adulthood, the pieces will start falling into place.
You’ll get a job. You’ll make enough money to support yourself. You’ll move into your own place. You’ll date, fall in love, build a career, maybe get married.
Except then you get there.
And the goal post has moved.
Instead of arriving at the life you imagined, you may find yourself facing a brutal job market, jobs that don’t pay nearly as much as you expected, staggering housing costs, confusing relationships, student loans, and the realization that being an adult is significantly more expensive and complicated than anyone prepared you for.
Meanwhile, you open Instagram and it appears that everyone you went to college with is thriving.
Welcome to your twenties.
“I Thought I’d Be Further Along By Now”
This is something therapists hear from young adults all the time.
Maybe you’re 24 and living with your parents.
Maybe you’re 27 and single when you thought you’d be in a serious relationship by now.
Maybe you have a degree but can’t find a job in your field.
Maybe you did get the job you worked toward—and you hate it.
Maybe you look at what you earn and genuinely can’t understand how you’re supposed to pay rent, save money, travel, have a social life, and somehow start putting money away for retirement.
Or maybe nothing is particularly wrong.
You’re just not particularly happy.
That can be confusing too.
You spent years working toward the next milestone. Now you’ve reached adulthood and there’s no syllabus telling you what comes next.
The Goal Post Moved
There’s an important piece of this conversation that gets missed when we reduce everything to anxiety or comparison:
Some of what you’re struggling with is real.
Young adults today are trying to establish themselves in a world that may look very different from the one they expected.
Especially in California, the basic markers we often associate with becoming an independent adult can feel incredibly difficult to achieve. Rent can consume an enormous portion of an entry-level salary. Buying a home may feel completely out of reach. Groceries, insurance, transportation, healthcare, and simply going out with friends add up quickly.
You can work full time, be responsible with money, and still need roommates—or your parents.
That doesn’t mean you’re failing at adulthood.
It may mean the economic reality of adulthood changed faster than the cultural expectations around it.
And yet, knowing that intellectually doesn’t always make it feel better when you’re sleeping in your childhood bedroom.
Social Media Makes Everyone Else’s Timeline Look Better
Then there is the comparison problem.
At 26, you can open your phone and encounter, within approximately three minutes:
A former classmate announcing an engagement.
Someone else getting promoted.
A college friend holding the keys to a new house.
A couple vacationing in Italy.
Someone launching a business.
A pregnancy announcement.
A friend who somehow appears to have an immaculate apartment, a great relationship, an interesting career, a perfect dog, and enough disposable income to eat at restaurants several nights a week.
You aren’t seeing the entire lives of those people.
You’re seeing announcements.
We rarely post:
I cried in my car after work because I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.
Or:
My parents are helping me pay this mortgage.
Or:
We took beautiful engagement photos, but our relationship is struggling.
Or:
I got the promotion and I’m terrified everyone is going to discover I have no idea what I’m doing.
We compare our internal experience to everyone else’s external presentation.
It’s almost impossible to win that comparison.
Relationships Have Their Own Timeline
Your twenties can also be a strange time for relationships because everyone’s lives begin moving at different speeds.
One friend is married at 24.
Another is happily dating at 29.
Someone else is heartbroken after ending a six-year relationship and suddenly finds themselves single for the first time since college.
Someone is on dating apps wondering whether anyone actually wants a relationship.
Someone is wondering whether they should marry the person they’ve been dating even though something doesn’t feel quite right.
Someone else isn’t sure they want marriage or children at all.
It can be especially difficult when your friends start reaching milestones you want for yourself.
You can genuinely love your friend and be excited about their engagement while also going home from the engagement party feeling profoundly lonely.
Both things can be true.
The problem comes when someone else’s milestone becomes evidence that you are behind.
There Is No Longer One Next Step
One reason this period can feel so destabilizing is that for the first time, there isn’t necessarily a correct next step.
Think about how much of your earlier life was structured.
Elementary school → middle school → high school → college.
Every year had a beginning and an end. There were assignments, grades, coaches, teachers, advisors, and deadlines.
You always knew what you were working toward.
Then suddenly adulthood says:
Okay. Go build a life.
Which life?
Where?
Doing what?
With whom?
For how much money?
There are thousands of possible answers.
Freedom sounds wonderful until you’re responsible for deciding what to do with it.
Maybe You Got Everything You Wanted—and Still Feel Lost
There’s another version of the quarter-life crisis that doesn’t get discussed enough.
Sometimes things do fall into place.
You got the degree.
You got hired.
You moved into the apartment.
You have friends.
Maybe you even have the relationship.
And you’re thinking:
Is this it?
That question can create enormous guilt.
You worked hard for this. Your parents are proud of you. Other people would love to have what you have.
So why aren’t you happier?
Because checking the boxes you thought you were supposed to check doesn’t necessarily tell you what you value.
Your twenties are often when you begin separating the life you’ve been taught to want from the life you actually want.
That’s uncomfortable.
But it’s also important.
Living at Home Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing
For young adults in high-cost areas like Los Angeles and the South Bay, moving home after college—or never moving out in the first place—may simply make financial sense.
But emotionally, it can feel complicated.
You may simultaneously feel grateful that your parents are willing to help and desperate for independence.
Old family dynamics can reappear surprisingly quickly.
You may be an adult at work all day and walk through your parents’ front door to hear:
Where are you going? Who are you going with? What time will you be home?
Suddenly you’re 16 again.
It can be hard to establish an adult relationship with your parents while you’re still living under the same roof.
Learning to set boundaries, communicate differently, contribute to the household, and develop independence even when financial independence isn’t yet possible can become an important part of this stage of life.
“Everyone Else Has It Figured Out”
They don’t.
Some people have figured out their careers but not their relationships.
Some have wonderful relationships and no idea what they’re doing professionally.
Some have financial security and struggle with anxiety.
Some look extraordinarily successful and feel completely lost.
And almost everyone is making decisions with less certainty than it appears from the outside.
One of the biggest shifts of adulthood is realizing that there may never be a moment when you finally feel as though you’ve figured everything out.
Instead, you become more confident that you can handle not knowing yet.
Therapy in Your 20s Isn’t About Something Being Wrong With You
Therapy can be especially valuable during your twenties precisely because so much is changing.
You may be figuring out your career, relationships, friendships, sexuality, family boundaries, finances, values, and identity—often all at the same time.
Therapy gives you a place to separate questions like:
What do I actually want?
from:
What do I think I’m supposed to want?
It can also help when comparison, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, relationship patterns, or fear of making the wrong decision keep you stuck.
Sometimes you don’t need someone to tell you what to do.
You need a place where you can be completely honest about not knowing.
You Are Not Running Late
There is no universal timeline for adulthood.
You don’t have to be married by a particular age.
You don’t have to own property by 30.
Your first job doesn’t have to become your career.
Moving home isn’t the opposite of moving forward.
A breakup isn’t proof that you wasted your twenties.
Changing direction doesn’t mean the first direction was a mistake.
You are allowed to discover that something you worked very hard to achieve isn’t something you want anymore.
Your twenties aren’t the final version of your life.
They’re often the first period in which you get to start figuring out what you want that life to be.
Therapy for Young Adults in Hermosa Beach and the South Bay
At Beach Cities Psychotherapy, we work with young adults navigating anxiety, relationships, career uncertainty, perfectionism, family dynamics, trauma, identity, and the many transitions that come with figuring out adulthood.
Julia Callas, AMFT, particularly enjoys working with teens and young adults and brings a warm but direct approach to therapy. If you’re looking for a therapist who will listen and support you while also helping you identify patterns, challenge the ways you may be keeping yourself stuck, and figure out what you actually want, Julia may be a good fit.
Beach Cities Psychotherapy is located in Hermosa Beach and serves clients throughout the South Bay, including Redondo Beach, Manhattan Beach, Torrance, El Segundo, and Palos Verdes.
If you’ve been searching for therapy for young adults in Hermosa Beach or the South Bay, you don’t need to wait until you’re in crisis to reach out.
Sometimes feeling lost isn’t a sign that you’re doing adulthood wrong.
Sometimes it’s what happens when the old roadmap ends—and you finally have to start drawing your own.